CHABRIER

AN EDUCATION INCOMPLETE

(One act, cast of three, SSB or SMB)

Gilbert, the naive newly-wed, relying on guidance from his grandfather, receives instead a disconcerting letter:

GILBERT: (reading)

My dear son, your old grandfather,

As you enter this new stage,

Wanted so to come and bother

You with some wisdom born of age.

Much as I would like conversing,

Tonight there’s no going out.

Stuck at home, alas! I’m nursing

An acute attack of gout.

Angry gods there’s no use fighting --

I am not to have my say.

So I’ll put it down in writing;

Profit by it as you may.

Day is done, the light receded,

In the room alone -- she and you! --

Sound advice will not be needed;

Love will tell you what to do.

Pausanias, his scholarly tutor, is baffled as to what the young man could possibly feel lacking in his education:

PAUSANIAS:

I’ve taught you to speak

In Hebrew and Greek

While hammering home

The glories of Rome.

GILBERT:

Though I have been through the list,

Yet something I must have missed.

PAUSANIAS:

With infinite pains

On solids and planes,

I’ve lighted the path

To mastering math.

GILBERT:

Yes, all that stuff and more!

Yet something you quite ignore . . .