OFFENBACH

MARRIAGE BY LANTERN

(one act, cast of four, SSMT)

Two young widows compare notes on their previous marriages:

KITTY:

Marriage for some is a source of delight;

Mine was a battle from morning till night.

Never a moment of peace a repose;

Talk of the weather would bring us to blows.

Frankly, I paid an exorbitant price

For flowers, a cake, and a handfull of rice.

FANNY:

Marriage differ, as all would agree;

Mine was a terminal case of ennui.

Militant ladies, o pity my plight!

I had a husband unwilling to fight.

Milder than sugar and water combined,

The mixture was driving me out of my mind . . .

Their friendship heats up considerably at the discovery that they are rivals for the same man:

BOTH:

What a perfect little lady!

Oh, so prim and proper!

Hell or heaven wouldn’t stop her

Snatching at the rich.

Decent folk no doubt would dub her

Just a money grubber.

Greedy, grabby, this unhappy

Woman is a witch.

Spare me from this phony

Talk of matrimony.

Oh, I so dislike her,

How I long to strike her!

I detect a plan

To catch an unsuspecting man . . .