An Orpheus in the Underworld Sampler

Meet the happy couple. Eurydice has just informed her husband Orpheus that she is in love with another man:

ORPHEUS       So that's the score!

EURYDICE      Quite right, my sweet.

ORPHEUS       As husband, I'm obsolete.

EURYDICE      True, very true,
              And tiresome, too.

ORPHEUS       My art is only fair to middling?

EURYDICE      If one can speak
              Of work so weak.

ORPHEUS       When I perform you call it fiddling?

EURYDICE      By any name
              It's all the same.
              No, no, your music has no merit;
              None but nincompoops can bear it.
              Oh, the torture and chagrin
              Each time you touch the violin!...

EURYDICE      So near I feel the hand of death!
              Of pain or terror not a trace.
              A sigh, a letting go of breath,
              Then yielding to a soft embrace...

              I travel toward a friendly shore
              Where none can weep and none can mourn,
              And close to him that I adore,
              In death I find a life reborn...

PUBLIC OPINION
              Mad musician, cringe and cower;
              Public Opinion is on your case.
              Behind the scenes, I wield the power
              From inner circles to outer space.
              My counsel only fools dismiss 'n
              When I speak, the mighty listen.

              Hold on, husband!  Make no move
              Until you know that I approve.

              Rebellious poet, expect no mercy!
              I shall haunt you and hunt you down.
              With bad reviews and controversy
              I'll drive you snivelling out of town...

GODS          Arise!  You god and demi-god!
              Arise!  Resist the iron rod!
              The bully bosses us about,
              Turn upon him, kick him out...

DIANA         To hell with nectar and ambrosia!
              I have had it up to here!

VENUS         Give my beef and a glass of beer!...

DIANA         A lady's bed you entered slyly
              As her own husband, so they say;
              With many wives, I wonder wryly,
              If you would score so well that way.

              Jupiter, seducer and producer of the show!
              On the go for ladies, oh, the pagan dynamo!

MINERVA       By all accounts, a cad and coward!
              So you became a horny bull!
              And though Europa you deflowered,
              It was a sleazy stunt to pull.

              Jupiter, the superstud, the universal sham!
              What a great impersonator!  What a hunk of ham!...

PLUTO         Examine these disguises rightly:
              What is the message they convey?
              Your ugly face is so unsightly,
              You can succeed no other way...

EURYDICE      My days are unbearably boring!
              Has Pluto become so blasé?
              How long can he go on ignoring
              A girl who came such a long way?

              My spirits are sinking, not soaring;
              I notice in fact with dismay,
              My husband looks better each day.

              A word of advice to you ladies:
              Think twice before coming to Hades.
              Think again!  Think again!

              So eager to please as a lover,
              He promised to show me around;
              But now that the novelty's over,
              He's nowhere in hell to be found...

JUPITER       (returning, as a fly) Who would recognize
              me now?  So dainty!  So tiny!  So winged!
              Jupiter, turn on the charm!

EURYDICE      A flicker I felt on my shoulder,
              The touch of a delicate brush.

JUPITER       I'd better be backward, not bolder;
              Rebuff I shall risk if I rush.

              Never mind what the darling does,
              Not a word!  I shall merely buzz.
              Zi zi zi - -

EURYDICE      What a charming fly!
              What a pleasing drone!
              Comforting, as I
              Am otherwise alone.
              .
              .
              .
              With your soothing hum,
              How kind of you to come.

              Oh, pretty creature on the wing!
              How sweet of you to sing to me!
              A tiny ray of light you bring,
              For here I'm under lock and key.

              Charming fly, do stay for a while;
              Stay and be my own little pet.
              Linger a bit; cheer me and I'll
              Care for you and share a duet...

JUPITER       (To take the darling in my net,
              I'll play a wee bit hard to get.)

GODS          To Pluto, our infernal host,
              A hale and hearty toast.
              A toast to our infernal host!

              'Tis here the high and lowly mix
              And mingle by the Styx...

              The infidel, the ne'er-do-well
              Are both at home in hell,
              Short and fat, long and lean,
              Parasite, libertine!
              Welcome all to the scene!

              For both the rascal and the rogue,
              The Underworld is now the vogue.
              Here meet your long departed kin
              That feast upon the fruits of sin.

              For young and old that like it hot,
              It's quite the perfect spot --
              The place for you!

Orpheus and Public Opinion Joseph Meyers and Donna Petersen	Eurydice and Orpheus Jane Hammet and Joseph Meyers