A Princess of Trebizonde Sampler

Tremolini introduces the fabulous wax museum:

     Eve and Adam, for a starter,
     Ready for the fatal bite;
     Joan of Arc is made a martyr
     In the panel on the right.

     Lucky folk, we offer here a
     Look at wise old Socrates;
     Turning to another era,
     Faust and Mephistopheles.

     Something special for the ladies,
     Timeless in its poetry;
     Tuneful Orpheus in Hades
     Leading back Eurydice.

     Connoisseurs have showered praises
     On the stunning Salome.
     Shorn of seven veils, she gazes
     Sternly at a covered tray.

     On a scale of ten to zero,
     'Tis the latter that he earns.
     Hardly a hero, crazy Nero
     Fiddles while the city burns.

     Leaving half of Europe littered,
     Shaggy Attila the Hun -
     Rugged, yes, but all considered,
     Not the perfect gentleman.

     Now we reach the star attraction -
     This we cannot go beyond:
     We present with satisfaction
     The Princess of Trebizonde!

ZANETTA
     Utter despair!  Dire distress!
     Prepare for the worst of all possible blows!
     This is the end!  Yes, the Princess!
     While dusting, I broke her royal nose.

     Now but a gap, a mere hole in the center;
     Efforts at patching and mending her fail.
     How can we possibly proudly present her?
     Glue is of not the slightest avail.

     I knocked off the nose,
     The noble nose,
     The nose of the fair princess...

     What folderol do you imply?
     Oh, your nerve is colossal!
     Are you suggesting, sir, that I
     Am a crusty old fossil?

     How many wrinkles do you see?
     Are my cheeks not still ruddy?
     What idiot would think of me
     As an old fuddy-duddy?

     Oh, look again before you say
     I'm just a man of yesterday.
     Still in the pink and feeling great,
     Who'd ever think me sixty-eight?

     A dynamo, a man of clout!
     Yes, I can throw my weight about.
     A thoroughbred, with steady gaze,
     My better days lie well ahead.

     At the height of my power,
     My seed in full flower,
     I am man of the hour...

     In Trebizonde, so I've heard tell,
     A fair Princess did once reside;
     She satisfied her husband well,
     A model wife he showed with pride.

     When dandies tried to catch her eye,
     Without a wink, she sashayed by;
     The polka and the fandango
     She kept for King Rhotamago...

     It happened at the winter ball:
     She met a Russian officer,
     And arm in arm, 'tis said by all,
     Till dawn they danced a pas de deux.

     The jealous king to wrath was stirred;
     He soon began to see the light.
     His wife replied, but how absurd!
     My dear, you know I'm cold at night...

     The King then waved a magic wand;
     His wayward wife he turned to wax.
     No man nor match in Trebizonde
     Can now reheat that heart so lax...

     Ah!  My swollen jaw!
     Ah!  It's grown gigantic.
     Sir, to tell the truth,
     I've got a throbbing tooth
     That drives me frantic.

     Ah!  My swollen jaw!
     Ah!  My bloated cheek!
     What am I to do?
     Sheer agony to chew!
     Oh, oh!  I can barely speak.

     What a wretched plight!
     No relief in sight.
     How, oh how am I to bite?...

REGINA
     Though not a pathway strewn with flowers,
     Rich in love, tonight we elope,
     Find the life that's truly ours,
     Dancing high on a new tightrope...

     Come, we can go and join a circus,
     My tutu and tights good as new;
     Then never mind how hard they work us,
     You have me and I have you...

TREMOLINI
     Though I can offer only pennies,
     Follow me, my brave pioneer.
     For with an arm as strong as any's,
     I'll provide not wine, but beer...

     Food of love I promise gladly;
     Dreams and hopes will fill our cup.
     Once in a while, we'll quarrel madly
     For the pleasure of making up...

     I never thought, I must confess,
     That I'd become the real Princess,
     But as we draw the curtain down,
     The circus girl puts on the crown.

     A foolish tale, but tender, too;
     The final word we leave to you.
     Remember, please, for all our flaws,
     Our pleasure comes with your applause.

Regina and Tremolini