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Old GERONIMO envisions a glorious future for his elder daughter:
(to Elisetta)
You are to wed a nobleman,
Blue-blooded through and through,
All settled, ah, yes!
A bona fide patrician,
Today he comes to woo.
A Countess in the making,
A title for the taking,
Acclaim and recognition
My daughter will enjoy --
An eminent position
Above the hoi polloi.
We'll rise to the occasion
With song and celebration
To hail a new relation.
We leave the middle classes,
The donkeys and the asses,
And join the higher rank.
And as you romp and revel
Upon a higher level,
Guess who you have to thank.
Your father! Your father!
The promised COUNT modestly announces himself, before
unfortunately falling in love with the wrong girl:
I dispense with ceremony.
Nothing fancy, nothing formal,
I'm your normal simple noble.
Just a normal simple noble.
No pomposity, no pretension, no, no!
Not a trace of condescension.
CAROLINA tries gracefully to decline the Count's proposal of marriage:
Pardon sir, you must excuse me;
I confess the fault is mine.
Overcome that you should choose me,
With regret I must decline.
For this challenging position
Little merit can I claim,
And I've not the least ambition
To acquire a noble name.
Find a better suited girl to marry,
Someone not so plain and ordinary.
Social grace and poise are needed
For the role that she's to play.
I am neither pert nor pretty,
Seldom clever, never witty;
Still a silly ignoramus,
Shy among the high and famous;
Simple-minded, addle-pated,
Barely, barely educated ...
Far above my social sphere,
I will make you blush with shame.
When the Lords and Ladies sneer,
You I fear will bear the blame.
The COUNT is desperate to make himself unappealing to
the daughter who is determined to marry him:
You compel me to be candid.
I'm deceitful, dissolute and underhanded,
And I babble in my sleep.
Cross and cranky in the morning,
For the record let me add
I'm a blunderbuss, a bounder and a cad.
Would you wish to be deflowered
By a bully and a coward?
Mull it over, take a look before you leap.
Who would want a ne'er-do-well
Only good for raising hell?
No cold shivers rise within you?
Pray allow me to continue.
Plain and simply, I'm a boozer and a bastard,
Seldom sober, often plastered,
Hard to handle, hedonistic,
Diabolic and sadistic.
Such a monster would you wed?
Do you want him in your bed?
Wait a bit, I've barely started:
Somber, silent, heavy-hearted,
Overbearing, domineering --
Crocodiles are more endearing.
Plus a temper that displeases
I've a dozen rare diseases.
Out of shape and doing poorly,
Fat and balding prematurely,
Neither brainy nor overbright,
Sullen, surly, day and night.
Always itching for a fight ...
Coarse and brutal,
Mere reform I fear is futile.
Feather-weighted, dissipated,
Broken down, dilapidated,
Foolish, self-infatuated --
You begin to get the drift:
I am not the perfect gift.
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